In which I tell the story of the nicknames I gave Pat.

Way back in the late 90s, I had a sudden and unexpected money problem. Pat bailed me out and we set up an 18 month payment plan. That meant that I had to write out 18 checks in his name.

Keep in mind that Pat was banking at a small credit union at the time. Their one office was staffed with old ladies that knew him by name and they always had fresh cookies to offer their customers. The setup was too perfect. So I didn’t exactly make the checks out to “Pat Rothfuss”. The first check was actually made out to “Pat ‘Guido’ Rothfuss”, which I felt was fitting for a loan shark. It quickly went downhill from there. Here is the list. I have no idea what I was thinking for some of them, but I’ve added explanations for others.

• Guido
• Santa
• Sleepy
• K’Tunga
• Oh, Fast Spurt (An anagram of “Pat Rothfuss”)
• Beavis
• Friday
• Hobbit (because he has hair on his toes, like a hobbit)
• Twisty (I think this had to do with his beard, but I am not sure)
• Soft Noodle
• Chin Penis (The less said about this, the better)
• Beefcake
• Master of the Long Ball (something Madden said on Monday Night Football that we found terribly funny)
• Pig-nose Nostie (The childhood nickname that his mother gave him)
• Grandpa
• Fist Pants
• Snoop Patty Pat
• Guido